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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25582144">Then I burn</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeythereisnorightway/pseuds/honeythereisnorightway'>honeythereisnorightway</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:56:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>894</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25582144</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeythereisnorightway/pseuds/honeythereisnorightway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Baz and Simon in their fifth year, what if Baz had actually succeeded at taking Simon’s voice?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Snowbaz - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Then I burn</h2></a>
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    <p>Snowbaz <br/>I grip the tape recorder tight in my hand. I can do this. It's just like being a detective... except that I am the villain. I go over the rules in my head. Press play and record his voice, don't talk when it's on. It's fairly straightforward, although I still don't know what it will actually do. It will hurt him at least.<br/>There's a part of me, the weaker part-and yet the bigger part-that can't stand the thought of that. 'But doesn't he deserve it?' I think. 'After what he's done to me, After all that he's done to me.' I think of all of the nights I haven't slept, all the tortured hours I've wasted wanting things I can’t have. His lips on mine, his hands in my hair, my teeth sinking into his throat. I'm startled back to reality by all the forbidden thoughts. Crowley, I better get ahold of myself. I can feel my teeth itch in my mouth. His blood, his body... this is for the best. I can't handle the temptation anymore. I'm not strong enough, and I don't even want to think of what would happen if I gave in to any one of my urges. </p><p>(But a part of me can't help but be hopeful- his lips on mine, hands in my hair, crushing into each other like any empty space would be the end of everything. We want this, we both do, and we can-)</p><p>I catch Snow's eye, and then I turn and walk far enough to where no one will see us. I know he's following me. He follows me everywhere. Even when I'm not looking completely suspicious. Even when I just need a moment to breathe, to keep from kissing him, or biting him, or both. When I get far enough, I stop short and pivot on my heel to face him. </p><p>He opens his mouth to talk, and I press the record button on the recorder currently stuffed in my pocket, and in that moment, the most violent, frenzied feeling comes over me, and I want him to die. I look into his eyes and hope that I kill him. <br/>"Baz-" he says, and then coughs, sputters, a horrible sound leaving his mouth like an entire lifetime of words rushing to get out all at once. I click stop on the recorder immediately, the realization of what I've done crashing down on me. I just took his voice, all of it. My name was the last word he will ever say. It's too twisted for even me to romanticize.</p><p>It's a terrifying thing, the realization that I'll never hear his voice again. And that it's all my fault. Not even a second has past at this point. He's glaring at me in sheer horror, clutching his throat. He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. "No!" I shout, in spite of myself.</p><p>All of my hatred, all of my resolve, washes away in an instance and I step towards him. He’s so shocked that he doesn’t even move. I whip out my wand and shout, “Nonsense.” But it’s a spell for children’s pranks, not complex curses. I stare into Snow’s eyes desperately, and he stares back in loathing. His form is blurred around the edges. Even without a voice he’s a fierce magician. He could go off right now and destroy me. He’s never hurt another person when he’s gone off, but with the look he’s giving me right now, he might just do it. I shout “nonsense” again, and then throw my wand down in desperation. It’s not going to work. I don’t even know what bloody spell Fiona put in this. It’s illegal, whatever it is. </p><p>I’ve already ruined everything, so grab Snow’s face between my hands. His skin is so hot, so worked up with magic that I might just catch fire, but I don’t care. “I’m sorry,” I say, my voice catching. “Okay? I’m sorry.” I crash my lips into his, and he seems so confused that he doesn’t push me off, and even seems like he’s about to kiss me back, when a wall of magic, his own, acting for his silent commands, hits me like a sledgehammer and knocks me back. I go flying, hit my back against the ground, a rock tearing away at my jacket, and then at my back. </p><p>“Wh-what the fuck?!” He shouts, surprising the hell out of both of us. He just spoke. He spoke. I pull the tape recorder out of my pocket, and the tape is shattered, glossy black film tangling through my fingers. I’m so happy I could cry, but it’s not over yet. He’ll get me kicked out of Watford. They’ll snap my wand and ruin my life.  I stand up, not sure what I’m planning on doing, and walk gingerly back over to him. Maybe I can talk him down. <br/>“Simon,” I say, and my voice is broken. His eyes widen, and I realize what I just called him. He swears under his breath, and takes three long strides to close the distance between us, saying “I won’t tell if you don’t,” and then he pulls my face down to his, and his lips are doing what I’ve been craving for them to do for years. </p><p>And well, then I burn.</p>
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